I can’t see straight. My body feels like it is one with my bed. I swear my limbs have a 10 minute lag after I think about having to move them to tend to my newborn during the night. I’m sleeping, but I’m wide awake. Even during the day the words I’m thinking in my head come out of my mouth as something completely different, and I don’t even catch it. No Kate, “hunny, can you grab the thermometer off of the microwave?” does not make sense to your significant other. I can usually hold my patience together until about 3am and that’s when I start to lose my sanity. I find myself taking it out on my dear husband and when I wake the next morning I only remember remnants of me lashing out towards him even though he’s the one I appreciate the most! Poor guy is such an easy target when I find myself feeling like a frustrated rabid animal, eye twitching and all. Helpless newborn cries (screams) will do that to you.
It’s times like these where I wonder if I’ll ever feel like a human being again.
It’s times like these where I find myself asking questions like, is it possible to die from exhaustion?
As damaged as I feel in this moment.. I’m going to seriously miss this someday. It may be that thought alone that gets me through. I am going to miss my babies needing me and my constant attention. Hubby and I will look back and wonder how we survived the madness and we will be so proud that we did.