Do you remember feeling that spark* that everyone talks about? Your heart fluttering when you simply held hands? Your first kiss? Those moments were pretty special. Dating was exciting! It felt new, and fresh and getting to know the other person was just fun!
My husband TJ and I dated for 8 years before we got married. It was filled with many highs and many lows but there was always passion. That was one thing we were always good at. We shared all of our firsts together so of course we were excited to finally get married! Well fast forward a little bit, we are coming up on our second anniversary and let me tell you, marriage is work.
Add in to the mix purchasing our second home, expecting baby #3, work, bills, responsibility… Life happens fast and yet days seem to blur together. It’s easy to find yourself in the same, quite frankly, boring routine. Balancing and juggling all that life throws at you is hard, but that’s exactly why dating is so important for your marriage. Below the Lord of course, your marriage is the foundation for your family. If you two start to crumble, all the other components of your lives will likely follow.
Okay, I know, that title was total click-bait but this topic is important! By now I’m sure you’ve realized that when I say you should continue to date after marriage, I mean you should continue to date your spouse! We all know relationships go through seasons, but you never want to be so out of touch that you feel like you no longer click with or even know your partner anymore.
No matter what season your relationship is in, you should still continue to date.
For our relationship (married with kids), most of our “dating” needs to be done after the kids go to bed or be penciled into the calendar but if that’s what you need to do, do it! I’d even be lying if I said I was excited about every date we went on. Some days, I’m straight up tired and would rather take a nap (sorry babe) but I know that the quality time spent together is important.
Dating deepens your connection with your spouse whether it be mental, physical, spiritual, all three or more?! It keeps communication open which we all know is essential in any healthy relationship. It also provides a sense of security and keeps things fun. Who wouldn’t want that?
Oh and just so you know, doing anything together while you’re both on your phone does not count! You have to be present and fully there. Why spend time together if you’re not going to actually be “there.” Look your spouse in the eyes, compliment each other, be playful, talk! Remember when your relationship was budding and you could talk for hours without stopping? Talk again, and spare yourselves, drop the boring talk about bills and responsibility. Get to know each other again. It’s easy for you to think “oh, we’ve been together for so long, I know everything there is to know,” but people change. New things excite them. Your spouse has dreams and things that make them tick – learn those things!
Date night will look different to each couple. It’s not a one size fits all type of thing. It also doesn’t have to be expensive which is where I hear a ton of people saying “we just don’t have the money to go out all the time.” You don’t even need to go out! One of my favorite dates is when my husband and I get a sitter for the kids, eat dinner at home just him and I, then we grab some junk food, throw pillows and blankets out and watch a show together in peace. Simple, cheap, and meaningful!
My husband and I are guilty of not doing this as often as we should. We travel and are always doing activities and events with the kids but when it comes to just him and I, we slack. It’s my goal to spend just ONE day out of the month together, husband and wife. If you haven’t set aside any time to date your spouse, set some aside! There’s only happiness and love to gain!
Do you make time for date nights with your spouse? What are some of your favorites? Please share in the comments! I’m always open to new ideas.